My Fantasies Have *Nothing* To Do With Reality

Hello all, I am back. My little posts should be showing up more often now that I have time to write them. Or, at least I’ll finish writing this one for now.

*Sigh.* Alright, so, my last post was about us moving and doing a TV show, correct?


Well, we did it. We picked up all seventeen of my rabbits, eight dogs, one parakeet, and five people. We stuffed all thirty one of us in a mini van and an SUV. Oh, and one dog and person were in the moving truck.

I was excited. I saw a big adventure a head of us – a good one – that is. Now that it’s over, I look at myself and grimace. I regret some of the things I did. I laugh at myself, how silly I was to think so positively. Me, someone who is always saying negative things according to my family, I was looking at this experience like it was the best thing that could ever happen.

After all, I was going to be on TV. Who doesn’t want that?! Lots of people. But I was too immature to understand that it wouldn’t be all fun and games.

After three days of driving and eating nothing but junk and three days of hardly any exercise or even leg-stretching, we were driving. But this time, we were driving the driveway that led to our 80 acres.

Was I absolutely astonished by how gorgeous it was? No. I will admit that no, I was not. It wasn’t (and still isn’t) my dream property – it doesn’t come close.

Our whole property was clear-cut four years ago. The reason why I love Oregon is because it’s so shady and full of two hundred foot tall trees – everywhere. But our property? We are not surrounded by trees. There’s lots of shade, enough to where people from the dry plains of Kansas could fall asleep outside in the midst of a “hot” Summer day.

The problem was that it wasn’t what I expected.

I carry such a burden – that burden is that I always expect better or worse than what I get. I expected amazing… is that what I received? No. Any normal person would have been absolutely ecstatic. Was I? I wasn’t. I was being ungrateful – but most of all – I was much too expectant. It’s like traveling for days to finally see the Great Wall of China – a trip that you’ve had planned for almost two years – and ending up at the Famous Gum Wall. It feels like someone has just knocked your absolutely fantastic smoothie off of the table and replaced it with plain old water. Except worse. 😉

I will give you an example.

Today, I was walking on the driveway, and saw a little round thing on the driveway. It looked like a bolt or an object of that matter, maybe a metal piece that had fallen out of something mechanical. Maybe there’s a 5% chance that someone has been looking for it and I’ll make their day if I give it to them. So, I walk over to it and pick it up, only to find that it’s a Styrofoam/plastic thing that no one would even notice was gone. I expected something that might have some value of some sort – and it didn’t. Not at all.

It might be a fairly lame example, but it’s just to show you. I have a problem with expectant thinking.

So, the big hole in my plans – was that the rabbits had no place to stay. I had seventeen animals, RELYING ON ME TO SUSTAIN THEIR LITTLE HAPPY LIVES, and I had no place to put them. Utter failure on my part.

These animals – living beings – were relying on me (one person) to take care of them.  I didn’t give that to them.  How is it that I can have a place to live that is decent enough, and they can’t?  It wasn’t fair, and that sunk deep into my mind.  All my heart ever did was ponder my regrets and mistakes.  I started being a jerk to the people I loved – and how can you do that when you love someone?  It was my weakness, because the people I knew loved me are the most forgiving people I will ever know.  Because they love me.

I would give it my all to be a National Pain In The Rear End, all because I was mad.

For the first month, I was really depressed. I didn’t want to get up and do anything, I didn’t even want to take care of the rabbits because I couldn’t stand to see them like they were.  No one cared about my dilemma with these rabbits that had no place to go, it was only me, and I couldn’t do anything by myself. I can’t put up a secure building and build tons of pens for them by myself in a few days. I needed help – but no one was offering because no one had time to care.

I was absolutely fed up with my life, my home, my animals, and my irresponsibility. I didn’t want to do anything anyone else wanted – because I was angry. I didn’t want to help anyone – because no one was helping me. I was mad, and I denied that anyone would ever listen to me and care about what I had to say.

I was done. That’s simply it. I didn’t have a home. In my mind, I was homeless. There wasn’t anywhere in Oregon or any of the other forty-nine states that felt like home. I was here, and this is just a place. I could say “I live here.” Not, “This is my home.” It wasn’t.

Being so young, I hadn’t ever had to deal with this sort of pressure. Nothing of this multitude had ever been expected of me. I was supposed to be happy about where we were, but instead, I struck down anyone and everyone’s positive comments. I was told that I could pack up, leave, and go back home. The truth was that I couldn’t. That was really hard to suck up and deal with.

I tried to make it through my horrible thoughts and remind myself that there are people who really do love me in the world. It was a battle between my crazy mind, and reality. It was a matter of reminding my heart that if I continued on with this mentality, I would be making the people who I love… sad. I would devastate them. I couldn’t have them thinking the thoughts that I was.

And so… I made myself get over it. I did get help to build my rabbits a place to stay – a month after we got there. I coped with the fact that we were stuck here, and I accepted it. I realized that life is special – and you’re only living your life once, so make it count. Just do it. Because injuring the people YOU love, it isn’t worth it. Spend the time you have here to make others happy.

Even if it doesn’t seem like it, there is someone on this Earth that loves you. In my case, there are many. Many many many. And hurting the people who love me – the people who I love – it’s not worth the struggle. And, if none of this makes sense to you, my mind is writing for me. These are honest thoughts that come from me and my heart.

This blog isn’t what I expected it to be – but it is what it is. That is fine with me. It’s a little online notepad for me to write on every once in awhile, and that is better than nothing.

And for anyone who is wondering… things are going well now. My next post will be about the rabbits. This one was supposed to be – because I have news for you all about them – but I didn’t stop writing when I should have.

To anyone who read all of that, thank you. Have a fantastic week. 🙂


We’re “Home”!

On June 4th, we left our real home for the 3 day trip to Eugene, OR. 

We had 17 rabbits and 4 dogs in the back of the car I was in.  Haha… interesting.  The SUV had more dogs in it, two parakeets, and some various stuff.  The moving truck had…well… our stuff in it, and another dog.

It was insane.  Being stuck in a car for three days straight is horrible!  Especially when you are cleaning poop and pee out of it every stinking day. 

Despite the crazy trip, we made it “home” on June 7th.  Thank the Lord!  There were actually a few near death experiences on the way here (including driving right next to a forming tornado.  On the way out of Kansas.  We were in Colorado at that point.), so getting here made me want to kiss the ground. 

The rabbits spend several days in their transport cages which drove me absolutely insane.  We got their pens finished though, so everything has settled down a tiny bit.  But, hey, at least we are here. 🙂

Also, we are officially in the making of our TV show that will air in September on TLC. 





My First Blues!

Sweet Pea ended up kindling today.  I saw that she was in labor when I went out this morning, but I had to force myself to stop watching her because I had a class I had to go to.  She was frantically picking up pieces of straw and hopping in and out of the box, she had pulled a little fur and was digging in it, and so I knew she was going to kindle very soon.  BUT, I had to leave.  Bummer.

When I came back in to check on her 2 hours later, she had a nice little nest full of brand new babies. 🙂  Last time she had 6, this time she had 8.  I looked at them briefly, covered them better with fur, took the placenta out that she accidentally left in the nest, and left her for another hour and a half.

THEN I went back out and bombarded them with a photo shoot.  I brought them outside in a Tupperware bowl with a towel in it so I could get a good look at their colors in the sun.  I thought Clarence had gotten her on the 12th of April, which would put her at 33 days today.  Doesn’t make much sense for her to kindle late since last time she kindled on day 30.  Well, I had her in my friend’s buck on the 16th of April, which would make today day 29.  Makes a lot more sense, as the babies are pretty small.

Well… the buck that would put her at 29 days today… has produced blues, lilacs, and other awesome colors before.  He’s also Sweet Pea’s 3/4 brother.  Yes, I bred siblings.  But only three-quarter siblings, and I did it to bring out the blue in their backgrounds.

It worked!  She had two blues and some other weird colors.  I’m so happy! 😀 It feels like I’m dreaming… I never thought she would be bred to that buck, because I thought he didn’t “get her”.  I was so wrong, so absolutely thankfully wrong!


I feel like throwing a blue French Lop party, whatever that means!  I’m just so excited. 🙂

Sweet Pea's litter of 8

Sweet Pea’s litter of 8



Sweet Pea – Reincarnation of Holly

So, about a year ago, I had a Chestnut Agouti doe.  She was insane in the membrane.  That rabbit waited until day 34, her first time, to kindle.  That was my first ever litter, so I was bouncing off the walls by then!  Well, she ended up kindling on the morning of day thirty four.  I walked into the rabbit room and found 3 dead kits lying around the rabbit room, and an itty bitty nest with three healthy kits in it.  She ended up raising a buck and a doe, that’s it.  Very beautiful rabbits, a silver tipped black steel and a blue chinchilla. 

Well, her next litter, she ended up popping out some crazy colors (for me, anyway.).  Thankfully, she had this litter only 2 days late, and had them all in the nest box in front of me!   Seven kits.  There was a little tiny runt that she ended up eating, but the rest were very fat and happy.  I believe there was one mis-marked chinchilla, one gold tipped black steel, two broken chestnut agoutis, and two ruby eyed whites.

I kept the mis-marked chinchilla (I say mis-marked because she isn’t supposed to have brown eyes, they should be blue), and guess what!  I named her Sweet Pea.

Holly the godzilla rabbit ended up passing away from a heat stroke last Summer.  I was very glad to have kept back Sweet Pea, because she is out of fantastic lines. 


Sweet Pea has already had one litter, and I’m guessing she was overdue because she is going over her due date this time, too.  Well, guess what (again)!  She had 6 kits, just like her mama.

She’s also insane, like her mom.  She will run around and bully her own babies after raising them for 7 weeks, and then she’ll get over it and start gently cleaning one.  She is an awesome mom besides that, and has never drawn blood or anything.  She’s also beautiful, just like her mom was.  She has her mom’s sweet face.  The only thing she got from her super lazy dad were his ears, of course. 😉

Anyway, today she is on Day 31.  She did build a nest, but no pulling of fur.  Last time, she built a nest a week early, pulled fur, destroyed the nest, and built another one a few days later.  Did I mention she is insane?

So, meet Sweet Pea, the crazy reincarnation of Holly.


The Big “News”!

So, I don’t know if this will be exciting for anyone who is reading this, but it sure is exciting to me!

Several months ago, we saw an ad on a homesteading forum about “city” folks packing up and moving to the country, jumping in with both feet.  It was an ad made by some producers, they were looking for a family willing to do this.

Well, we’ve been farming for 4 years.  We obviously didn’t fit the bill. But we answered anyway and told these random people about our lives…and I guess they liked us!  We talked for months.  First, we went through the interviews.  Video chats, emails, phone calls.  They always wanted more.  After several months, they finally told us that they had definitely ” picked” us out of everyone.  Wow… that’s weird, we never get picked for anything!

Part of the deal is that we are moving.  By the 2nd week of June, we are supposed to be settled in Oregon.  SETTLED. Not just there, but whatever settled means.

So I’ve been downsizing.  We are selling the goats, my rabbit limit is 9.  Giving away most of the cats, giving away the fish, most of our stuff, and we are getting down and dirty with this whole homesteading thing.  We probably won’t even have a washer… and we are living in a yurt for the first few months while we build the house.  This will be interesting!

I’m back!

I’m back everyone.  My life has thrown some crazy, awesome, exciting curveballs lately and I have yet to come to terms with them.  Don’t really know where my life is headed at the moment, basically sitting here stuck in a pothole because I don’t know any answers to anything.  I can’t very well explain anything or answer a lot of questions when I don’t know the answers myself.  But I will try to explain everything in another post…

As for the rabbitry… well.  Got some fairly big news when it comes to that, too.  Some VERY VERY VERY exciting things have been happening… but I won’t be able to tell you the whole story right now.  I’ll just start with the basics, as I only have about 30 minutes right now to write.

At one point, I had 36 rabbits all together.  It was nuts.  Right now I am down to 16.

Adelaide had 10 kits on January 18th. 2 died, one ran away.  Everyone in that litter is sold and she has another 2 week old litter.  The sad thing is that she is not my rabbit anymore, because I sold her with her litter. 😦  That will have to be explained in my other post!

Ginger had 9 kits.  One was a “fader” as they call them, 2 of them froze to death, one died of enteritis, and another died of unknown reasons.  She ended up weaning 4 kits!  From 9 to 4… not great numbers, but I’ll take it.  She had this litter on January 19th, and she is now for sale, for the same reason I sold Adelaide.

Sweet Pea had 6 kits.  They were all chinchillas except for one broken black!  She raised them all very well, an besides one getting her ear torn in half and the broken black running away, they were weaned happy and healthy.

Marmalade surprised me on February 4th when I walked into the bunny barn and found a nest with fur in it… full of kits!  I had no idea she had gotten pregnant.  She had 6 kits and raised them very very well, without a hitch.  This was the only litter where all kits who were born were also weaned.

Last but not least, Annabelle (a new doe I got), surprised me with 2 kits on the 2nd of this month.  She was due on the 21st of this month.  Instead, she decided to kindle the DAY after I brought her home!  I had absolutely no idea she was that far along.  One of the kits froze to death because she kindled on the ground (there wasn’t a nestbox in there).  The other one was an REW who also died a week after she kindled.  When I found him in a tiny nest she had built on the ground, I moved him into a nestbox.  She obviously didn’t realize that he was still there, as she wasn’t feeding him or cleaning him after that.  I noticed he was starving and severely dehydrated and brought him inside.  Well, after a few days of bottle feeding him, I found him dead when I was going to pick him up to feed him one morning.  😦

So, I’ve been busy!

I also bought four netherland dwarf babies, because I’m a bad girl.  I couldn’t help it.  I bought them from Arkansas Delta Rabbitry… they have fantastic rabbits!  Not only are the rabbits in pristine condition and health, but the people who run it are about the nicest people I’ve ever met.

So after all of my babbling, I’m going to show you some pictures and start writing this other, more exciting, blog post.  I’m also pretty tired (I went to two very boring graduations yesterday, my cousins who live in Colorado just left this morning, and I have someone coming to pick up rabbits today and I can’t get their pedigrees ready because the printers aren’t working.  Sheesh.) so if I sound insane, well, that’s why!

Oh yeah, I forgot to say…

Happy Mother’s day to all of you awesome moms out there!





Go away, you DANG cold!

I am sick.  Like, really sick.  I tried so hard not to catch it, and of course, I’m the FIRST one who does!  I’m sitting here at my computer, in front of the kitchen counter.  I’ve only been awake for an hour, yet I’ve used a BOX of Kleenex.  Dang!  I only have two more boxes left, this cold must go already!  I think I’m going to die here shortly.

So let’s face it.

I’m exaggerating.

I’m not going to “die here shortly”.

But, again, DANG!

I can’t even sleep at night.  I’ve had a fever on and off, and I wake up in the middle of the night HOT and just confused!  I have these terribly disturbing dreams that I am dying of this sickness, so I wake up, thinking I’m dying.  I’m all sad and lonely and confused.  This is the second night in a row that I have woken up at 3:30 a.m. and not been able to fall back asleep.  First of all, I can hardly breath.  Second of all, I’m a disgusting mess covered in snot and Kleenexes.  THIRD of all, I have twenty seven newborn bunnies to worry about! 

That’s right, twenty seven.  I’ve only ever had ONE litter at a time, and they were never above 7 kits.  But then… Clarence escaped. 

*Blows nose*

Yes, that’s right, Clarence escaped.  Not once, not twice, not three times, not FOUR, more like 300 times!  Okay, there I go again, exaggerating.  I know.  But he did, indeed, get every one of my does pregnant.  Thankfully, “all of my does”, only means four does.  All first timers, and one who was so small she looked like a baby herself.  Her babies were 2/3 the size of normal babies.  Fortunately, they are super fat and chunky these days. 🙂

Ginger had 9 (1 dead) 1/19/2014

Adelaide had 10 (2 died) 1/18/2014

Sweet Pea had 6 (all fat and happy) 1/30/2014

Marmalade had 6 (super pretty little guys) 2/5/2014


And that is all for now, thank goodness.  Marmalade was NOT supposed to be pregnant.  I didn’t know she was, actually.  Thank the Lord, I had a nestbox in there for her to snuggle in.  Instead, she gave birth in it, but that’s okay too I suppose. 

So I am sick as a werewolf (yeah, that’s right.  Not a dog, a werewolf.  Ha.  Gotcha.), and this 5 degree weather is killing me.  Here are some pictures.  Then we shall discuss the moral of this story.  Or, um, this post.  Not really a story.



The moral of this story is…

Everyone should buy a rabbit from me, like right now!! 😉 It’s only right. 

Thanks for reading. 😀